Ever got a sensation in your fingertips while holding a
weapon? I have… ever been close to murdering someone until they were nothing
but a trash- heap made of flesh, fragile tissue and blood?
I have….
It’s been three days; nobody has seemed to notice a
difference in me. Of course being trapped in this fucking room with no social
contact with the outside world has been pretty rough since I got locked up in
this asylum… and of course the doctors not giving a fuck is pretty brutal.
But before I was locked up, I was a fairly good teenager I
may not have been the nicest guy around but I wasn’t the dumbest at least… the
most I can say is I’m pretty smart… not smart enough though cause if I was they
never would have found that body, if I just hid it well enough
So nobody could find the remains of her I wouldn’t be in
this place but hey what the fuck are you gonna do? It’s a hard life with so
many twists and turns you never know what to expect.
This room, this place these doctors, these people, these
voices in my head telling me to kill myself, and atmosphere! It’s all madness I
tell you! Madness! I never asked for this. But as of today I am writing this as
my last words to this fucking trap we call a “World” and as a bonus I’ll give
you a little “Insight” on my life my name is Samuel here’s my fucking story.
Growing up things weren’t exactly… what’s the word I’m
looking for? Ah yes great, at home sure I had loving parents… well if you call
a sick and twisted bastard of a father, and a lying cheating whore of a mother
“Loving” then I guess my fucking life was made!
Mommy was always gone away on work; sometimes she’d bring
work home they were fairly nice men though at least.
Daddy was always gambling and throwing away our money on
drugs.
One day mommy brings some work home his name was James. But
for some reason when he walked into our house he didn’t do anything with mommy
they just talked and daddy well you can say he was on vacation. Now mommy kept
talking with the nice man, and well since daddy’s gone for a while mommy could
get to work, but before she got the job done they went for a walk. Now a little
description of the area I live in, it’s an old trashed house with paint
chipping off and cracked windows that were practically broken, surrounded by
trees. It’s a very rural area, now not too far away there’s a creek which you
can see from my bedroom window. Now back to what mommy and James are doing, I
watched what happened through my window, James had pulled something out of his
back pocket he ended up using it to hit mommy on the back of the head, knocking
her down he then proceeded to put duct tape over her mouth so she couldn’t
scream. I watched in horror with tears streaming down my cheeks as he ripped off
her clothes and took of his belt and tied her up with it, he took off his pants
and…. Well I think you get the idea he killed her then ditched her body
somewhere, although I’m not quite sure where… He never came back.
Soon daddy came home and hurt me he kept doing it and doing
it for years, until I ran out of the house. Now I was living in an abandoned
house I found not too far from my school, Soon I met a girl I fell in love
with. Her wavy golden hair, her beautiful sea glass green eyes and her stunning
smile, every guy in school wanted her I
didn’t blame them… I wanted her too; fast forward a week later my obsession
with her only grew stronger. So I did what any guy would do I asked her out…
she accepted and soon she became my girlfriend, oh how the other guys envied me!
I was ecstatic especially since I had such a beautiful woman in my life. Things
were looking up… or so I thought, a while later another man swept her off her
feet and she broke up with me… for another man! I stood outside her window for
hours at night screaming that I still loved her, crying until my eyes fell out
of my skull she called the cops a few times. I couldn’t take it anymore all the
hatred fueled my fire inside I was in rage… I grabbed an old rusty knife I
found in the kitchen of the abandoned house and proceeded to walk to where she
lived, I finally made it to her place and looked up at her window, I saw her
beautiful face again I missed the taste of her luscious lips, the softness of
her laughter, I knew I did what had to be done. I walked inside of her house
and she ran down the stairs thinking it was her parents, she stopped dead in
tracks when she saw me, I looked at her with tears streaming down my face and
asked her “Why don’t you love me anymore? I still love you! I miss you! Please…
take me back…”
She ran back up the
stairs and I chased her I ended up catching her and pinned her down, she
screamed and squirmed around. Soon I found her spitting blood out and looking
at me with tears in her eyes I stabbed her again, and again and again then I
picked her up and dropped the knife, I took her to her room and set her down on
the bed, I then kissed her passionately
“I love you Jolene…. I love you so much beautiful” I said to
her while tears streamed down my cheeks as I held her.
“Why don’t you love me anymore? I-I love you still, was it
something I said? Something I did? I-I can change darling! I can change!” I
said to her corpse.
I looked at her in rage “WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME?!” I
screamed as I stabbed her again
“N-no stop bleeding don’t die my love!” I tried to stop the
bleeding, but then I remembered she was already dead… I had to hide the body,
somewhere some place! So, I took her body to the creek where my mother was
killed, I wrapped her body in the blood soaked blankets and sheets; Then I
threw her body in and watched it float away.
Her parents got home and found her gone with blood all over
her room. They knew me and our past, they also know that I would stand out her
window and yell things, I was the first suspect.
I ran to a different neighborhood, where I heard the voices…
“Help…”
“Suicide….”
“Death….”
“You hurt us…”
“YOU KILLED ME!”
“Die…”
“Worthless…”
“Mistake…”
I have had enough “SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE!”
I shouted. I woke the whole neighborhood; eventually a man
about in his early twenties came to me and asked:
“Hey buddy, you okay?”
I didn’t see him as himself, so I panicked it was like I was
a child again
“Daddy where’s mommy, why did that man rape her and kill
her?”
He was shocked, and replied
“I’m not your dad buddy…”
“Daddy is mommy coming back?”
He looked at me
“Where are your parents?”
I shook in fear
“Who are you?”
He said to me
“I’m Anthony”
"...."
I didn’t know what to do… I saw something not human like,
whatever it was, was back from the dead, I screamed, soon I woke up in this
fucking asylum, apparently the cops identified the blood on my clothes as hers
and found her body, as well as the fact I’m mentally unstable according to that
Anthony guy, that’s what ended me up in the asylum, a few weeks I was still
hearing the voices in my head, still seeing things. All the electric shock
therapy, all the medication, it’s not working…
This is the beautiful life I lived; now it’s time I went to
sleep….
Samuel R. Mooney,
1990-2007
Cause of death: suicide, overdose of sleeping pills.
Family: Unknown.
Last words: "It's time I went to sleep..."